I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
