theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
