Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
