how hairy? two words: wookie tits
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
It was confusing and full of hummus
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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