Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
21 Bartenders That Are Definitely Winning At Their Jobs
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!