she woke up with a sticky ear
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream