you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
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They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
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I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic