all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.