shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize