Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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