She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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