i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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