it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
