I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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