Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
