I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
i think i scared a bird with my dick
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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