You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Randomize
