some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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