i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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