No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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