Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
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