It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
