i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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