This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
