There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
