Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
