You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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