this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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