do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
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I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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