So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
not ubering you a puppy
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
