the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Randomize
