Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
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I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
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Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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