just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
