dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
