speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
