I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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