Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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