i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
