You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
