i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Randomize
