Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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