i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
