seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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