So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
