We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
