everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Dear god my vagina.
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