I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
