I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
