He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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