it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
