I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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