she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Randomize
