Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Randomize
