So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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