I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
