i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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