some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
