I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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