How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Randomize
