U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize