This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
