I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
